I can never think of a good blog title.

I can't help it.

2012-01-26T15:25:00.000-08:00

At the risk of probably losing future suitors because this post, I simply cannot help myself.I compare most men that I have an interest in to you, which is not fair to them, absolutely not. I wouldn’t like to be compared with anyone else. But I just can’t help it.

I just wonder if that person will be as funny as you are, wondering if they will kiss me like the way you do. I wonder if that person will be able to put a smile on my face or make me laugh when I am having my depressed moments, which is an extremely hard thing to do but it’s a special talent that only you have.

I wish you gave me the opportunity to show you how well I can care for you and how well I can love you as a friend, and quite possibly more then just that. You given me reasons to deny my help and I understood because, that’s just your character.I just wanted that chance.I kick myself sometimes because I recall making a statement suggesting something under the lines that I didn’t want to “date you”. But the moment you reached for my arm so I can stay longer by your side, that day.. I just knew…I knew that I never wanted to leave your side. Regardless of the fact that you are not mine, I still cherish what we have. Like I said, you are important to me and I don’t ever want to lose you. You have been with me throughout hard moments of my life and only you can understand that.

To answer that question: 

Since I would only have 2 days to live, I will eat an amazing breakfast spend the first day outdoors with my close friends. I would go to the beach and build a sandcastle because I always wanted to make one. I would enjoy the shitty Florida weather and enjoy the sun beaming down my “really nice skin” that you claim I have. I would eat all my favorite fruits, (which is just really oranges and grapes) outside and watch the sunset. That same night, I would eat a good Mexican meal, drink lots of beer and enjoy a long night of karaoke. The 2nd night I would spend it with my family, looking back at the days where my health wasn’t an issue, do some family things here and there. I would want my last hours to be spent with you, so I can tell you my adventures and the jokes I attempted to make that were funny to me. I would want to make pancakes and just hear you talk and make me laugh. I would rest on your bed and be right next to you, just like that afternoon.. and reflect back to that moment again.. where you had my heart from that just one touch. My last moment of breathe would be like that smith song.. “to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die”. I can’t help it.. I wish you felt the same way, but it’s okay. 

I can no longer have this switch, it's actually killing me. I thought I could toughen this out but I am not that strong to just ignore it, I thought I was.

- switch off-

2012-01-21T08:59:00.000-08:00

Today is not one of my best days. I feel so discouraged and unmotivated with everything. With roller derby, with this upcoming art show in March.

I wish I had someone who knew me so well that they would call, and say: " hey, how are you feeling today ? do you want to get pancakes and talk about it ? I'll listen"
Because that is all I really want. For someone to just to listen, just to shut the fuck and listen. I don't need advice or input. Just let me vent.

People don't understand, when someone opens up and seeks someone to talk to, it doesn't mean they want advice. They just want someone who listens.

2012

2012-01-02T21:48:00.001-08:00

Has started out pretty spiffy. New Goals. No more wasting time.
Right now I am just tired & lazy...
did I just say not wasting any more time ?

Favorite Pictures of 2011 Part 1

2011-11-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

8 years of taking pictures at shows..finally enjoying my shots..

a thing called love

2011-11-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

"The question of love is one that cannot be evaded. Whether or not you claim to be interested in it, from the moment you are alive you are bound to be concerned with love, because love is not just something that happens to you: It is a certain special way of being alive. Love is, in fact, an intensification of life, a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life." - Thomas Merton

A lot of things have been going on during these past months and especially the last time I was able to blog. But at the moment, all I want to type about is love. Today particularly has been nothing but love. The kind of love you find in a friendship, the kind of love you find in finally finding your soul mate.. you know.. " the one". The love you get from your four legged friends, the love you get from having supportive friends. Damn it, even watching the last episode of Sex and The City is killing me softly. Yes, with all the cussing I do, I still have a vagina.If you really think about it.. the world revolves around love.

I had the privilege to photograph and witness one of my great friends getting married. If there is one person that understands how much of a hopeless romantic I am.. it would be him. Let me tell you.. the amount of times we both shared deep conversations about finding love..just finding that one true person that you can be yourself with and love unconditionally. Following his path from a broken heart to finally finding his soul mate. Fuck.. he deserves it.. that man has been to hell and back. He deserves that happiness. I am so happy he finally found it. Capturing their love and respect for each other was just amazing. That's what I want.

We had another one of our infamous deep conversations. The way he spoke about the woman he loves while she was asleep on her bed.. it was beautiful. I sat there balling like a baby, because fuck...the waiting game is pretty ridiculous. I am not the type to be needing a man. But I am bursting with love and affection and I just want to give it to the right person who deserves it.

Watching everyone else be happy with their other half and reading cheesy but cute updates on facebook.. I can't imagine how long they have been waiting and how many broken hearts that person went through to finally find that person that fits them like a glove. Everyone deserves to be happy. And I will definitely get to that point one day. Patience is something that I do not have but it is something I am working on and slowly getting better at. Looking at my dear friend Elvis who has patiently waited for this love and sharing a life with someone.. he finally has it. I wish them all the best with their future together. Fuck, it makes me happy to see my friends happy. That is one of the most important things to me.

For the rest of the souls out there, who are waiting just like me,hang in there:

"One theory of soulmates, presented by Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them."

It's bound to happen..we just have to wait. So far.. I have my masters certification on the waiting game.

Death

2011-09-24T00:52:00.000-07:00

I have been up since 5:35 AM Friday morning and currently it is 3: 35 AM on a Saturday and I am still awake. I haven't fully rested from a long day at work due to the fact that my godmother isn't doing very well. This is actually the first time I blog about something that's not in the comfort of my own room.

She seems to be doing fine, although.. not to think in a negative way.. I don't know how much longer her body is going to take living through another day. I don't even know If I can handle another death in my life. I was walking past the hospital hallways.. and I saw an old man.. who literally looks like he's gasping for his last breath of air. Nobody was around him.. he was all alone. I felt like crying....

I mean...that would be my worst fear.. to die alone and old and nobody around to love me or mourn me.
It's a scary thought... I don't know.. I hope I have someone who can take care of me when I am old.

Anyways, the worst part about this whole scenario is that it brings a lot of memories of when my father was here...it's like it reliving hell all over again.

2011-09-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

no updates. I have been slacking. this is my new addiction

sigh....

2011-08-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

I know I'd go from rages to riches

If you would only say you care

And though my pocket may be empty

I'd be a millionaire

My clothes may still be torn and tattered

But in my heart I'd be a king

Your love is all that ever mattered

It's everything

So open your arms and you'll open the door

To every treasure I'm hoping for

Hold me and kiss me and tell me you're mine evermore

Must I forever be a begger

Whose golden dreams will not come true

Or will I go from rags to riches

My fate is up to you

[Musical Interlude]

Must I forever be a begger

Whose golden dreams will not come true

Or will I go from rags to riches

My fate is up to you

trying the " no eyeliner on the bottom" look. ehh

2011-08-23T18:04:00.001-07:00

seven was suppose to be a lucky number.

2011-08-09T20:59:00.000-07:00

I was born on the 7th of April... my first, middle and last name all have 7 letters. The number seven is used for certain wacky bullshit like the 7 virtues or the 7 deadly sins.

My question is...with the number 7 being the common number in my life, why do I feel so unlucky ? I feel like everything I try to accomplish turns into shit. This year has been incredibly painful and full of fucking bullshit. And the worse thing yet... I am becoming into the person that I hate the most.. a complainer.

Why can't I have everything back like it use to be ?

Why can't I have my father back ?

Why can't I have my boyfriend who loved me back when he didn't break my heart ?

Why can't I have my friends back when they actually gave a fuck about me and never left ?

Why can't I have my paychecks back ?

Why can't I have my health back ?

Why can't I have my happiness back ?

Everything is a struggle and I give up. I would just like things to work out for once...that's not too much to ask right ? But let's face it.. whenever a little light comes into my life, there is always the dark cloud to rain on the path that I try to make with my life. I am back to the old me... the old miserable, closed up and guarded person.

I thought the number 7 was suppose to be a lucky number.

Dearest Friend

2011-07-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

It always seems like the roads are long and hard ( haha, you are completely right.. I do set myself up) and just when you are about to reach your destination, something always manages to go wrong. Please don't give up, because if you give up.. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I feel like you are the training wheels to the bicycle of my life...you have given me nothing but honesty and understanding. You really do make me want to grow the fuck up. You have given me that support that I needed. You have been more of a friend to me in a few short months then those who have been friends with me for years. You make me not want to go back to my old habits again.

I know things are easier said then done, but I know you will accomplish great things in life and I know you will be successful & reach your destination and when you do... it's going to beautiful. I promise.

Thank you for making me happy tonight despite the mood you were in. What a wonderful person you are <3

wishing i can do the same for you,
-Maureen

Dear future beloved of mine

2011-07-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

I am a short tempered woman with a bad attitude sometimes. I don't need your fancy dinners or a fancy car to be impressed. I don't need you to pay for my meals or to put me on an alter and to always worship me. I don't need your lies or your bullshit. Be straight up with me at all times and honest. I can not tolerate a cheating man or a man that questions me at all times and one that doesn't trust me. Apparently, I am learning that I make things difficult and I have been told more then once that I am not easy to get along with. My grammar is also a piece of shit and I am also impatient with certain things and I always get what I want and enjoy having things my way. I don't need you to care of me because I can take care of myself, even when I am being stubborn about taking over the counter drugs.. I can take care of myself. I don't need your compliments, the pulling of the chairs but the opening of the doors will certainly always bring a smile to my face and will be appreciated.

I know this sounds horrible...kinda like a bad thunder storm. But if you win my heart, I promise to take care of you, to love and give you my full trust. I don't bring my baggage from my previous relationship into the new one. Have your guy-nights because in the end, I will be waiting at home to be in your arms. I'll make the best sandwiches that will put Subway to shame.I will do my best to bring a smile on your face on your shitty days and just leave you alone when you are having your bad days. I'll be patient with you if you are patient with me. Be loyal with me and I will be loyal with you. I want a best friend I can exchange music with because I listen to the cheesiest music and a lover who can make me laugh and smile. Trust me, it's not going to be boring. Yeah.. it might rain a few times... but who the fuck said you couldn't bring out your slip n slide ?

If you never let me go, I will never let you down.

Sincerely, the hopeless romantic in me

Maureen.

2 AM

2011-06-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

Back in my youth, I remember those good ol' days when my father use to take like 5 minutes just to take one single picture. You can clearly see the expression on my face on how "thrill" I was every time he wanted to take a picture of me.

Now, I would do almost anything to be the main subject of his eye again. It's funny how life works... sometimes we don't appreciate the little things until it is taken from us. My father would have celebrated a birthday this past Wednesday. All I could remember from his last birthday was the most genuine smile on his face when we were singing happy birthday to him with his very own ice cream cake. It was almost like seeing the inner child in him. If there is one trait I do appreciate that I have gotten from my father would be the joy of enjoying the simple things in life.. just like he did. Thinking back now on his last birthday, I always had the odd feeling like he knew that would be his last birthday. Regardless of the circumstances of his condition at the moment, he was always optimistic about it. " Next year's birthday is going to be even better" he said.

I love you. Happy Birthday Dad.

a letter to myself.

2011-06-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Maureen,
Despite of everything, life will move with or without you. If you keep your head down, you will miss out on things that can possibly be a beautiful reminder that life is not so bad all the time. Stop eating shit & make things happen. Go on & be happy.
Don't forget:

Helpless and crisis Without them you never know better days

Sincerely,

Maureen

(I took these pictures with my iphone, edited with instagram)

The Dandy Warhols-Sleep

2011-06-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

If I could sleep forever

I could forget about everything.

___________

always the hard way.

2011-05-31T21:21:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened during the past month,certain things I will probably regret. In my lifetime, I have learned a lot of lessons the hard way but still repeat the same mistakes. My walls are weak so I might possibly need a little reconstruction. But anyways... I had the privilege to take some shots at my first fest show..yes... okay... this is not really what I want to type about. I believe I am going to be typing "letters" to certain people on this damn thing.. maybe I will feel better..unload the damn truck of emotions. I hate being a woman sometimes.

I am feeling a bit on the lonely side.. curiosity does kill the cat sometimes. I believe I have 5 lives left over though.. still in luck. Keeping the mind busy so I don't keep asking myself all these stupid questions.

This post sucks.

I have a problem

2011-05-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

Mnemophobia: fear of forgetting memories

Besides shows, I take a lot of random pictures...wether it's with my camera or my phone. I realized my computer is filled with just random images of the places I've been to, the delicious meals I have eaten, the breath taking views I have seen & the random moments in my life where I am going to look back and say " oh man, I remember I had a hawk in my school office for an entire day". The reason why I take so many pictures of bullshit because I have a fear of forgetting. I feel the need & urge to document everything in my life, because I feel like I want to have something to look back on. The other day, I made an attempt to try & think about the recent memories I had with my father before he was hospitalized and I couldn't think of one.. I couldn't remember one single damn thing we have done together before he passed. I was upset to the point, that I started crying..by far one of the worst feelings ever. Taking pictures & documenting has probably gone worse since he passed.. I even took a picture of my brother crying over his lifeless body when he passed away on the hospital bed. Just because of the fact that it was another addition of memories that I did not want to forget.

Yeah.. I am probably crazy but you know what.. I really don't give a fuck.

songs that will forever take over my life.

2011-05-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

songs that will stay with me, just because it reminds me of my father & my ex (the good one)

Recents.

2011-04-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

xSTUCK IN THE PASTx: Mike Bird: Buffalo Kid Who Needs Your Help

2011-04-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

xSTUCK IN THE PASTx: Mike Bird: Buffalo Kid Who Needs Your Help: "If there is one thing I've learned through my years of being a part of the hardcore scene, we watch out for our own. Well, we need your hel..."

2011-04-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Dear God that everyone loves to hate,

As you are fully aware, my mother got fired today. After 15 years of hard work and effort she has given to this woman to make her rich enough to build her own house in Georgia, she was fired. I know the road ahead of me is going to be rough, just because she was the main person with income in our household.Nobody is making income now, we have a house with a mortgage, six dogs to take care off, bills, etc etc. There are a lot of people who are in bad shape more then us, but this still really sucks.

God, I want nothing but the worst for that woman, I want her mansion burn to the ground. I want her daughters to contract AIDS, I want her grandchildren to grow up being dumb and uneducated. She's not of good people, she wouldn't even give my mother a break to visit my father who was slowly dying in the hospital. God please forgive my hatred heart, but I have nothing but hate. Hate towards the people who don't deserve and don't work for the things they have in their life. Yes, I am not perfect... I have made mistakes too but the mistakes have only harmed me and not other people like this woman has.

Fuck.. the point is... when do I get a break ? really..my biggest fear in life besides being attacked by a great white shark while I am in the water at the beach is to not live my life the way I want too. To die like everyone else in this corporate world. I don't want to die unhappy.

Why do I always have to put my dreams on pause?
Why can't I have the love I want in my life ?
Why can't I have enough funds to see and visit this beautiful world and to photograph them with my camera ?

All I ask is love, travel, and just to wake up doing something I enjoy doing for the rest of my life.
Fuck, I am impatient and frustrated... I am tired enough to work 12 hours..now to work even harder to make this business grow and earn enough to pay the cell phone bill. Now I won't even have money to go to shows and document them through photos. I don't even have enough for the damn bus. I'm nervous about this God, really I am. To lose everything we worked hard for...

Remember 3 years ago, when I was on my knees in the chapel at the hospital.. crying and bawling and praying so hard for my dad to have a second chance at life and in the end I told you "Fine... if you are going to take him away... take him in peace with no pain.. but please give me strength to move on in life without getting into bad habits and make stupid decisions and not fall into a horrible depression." I asked for strength to keep my small family together, especially my mother who lost her soul mate. You did just that... now I ask for the same thing....but with happiness also... but not for me.... just for my family..not to see them struggle so much. For the friends that worked hard to have what they have now..somebody has to be happy.. if not me then them.

Thank you for your time and despite the fact that everyone hates you,nor believe in you and think that people who believe in God, live in a misguided life... I say fuck them. I don't tell them how to live their lives, they shouldn't tell me how to live mine. I rather believe & have faith in someone I can't see then have faith and believe in humanity. Humans are the scum of this earth, we don't deserve the beauty of this world anyways.

your pal.

- M.

Spoke to soon

2011-04-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

A tragedy has occurred, not one but two tragedies. I have lost two friends in my life and I blame it all on the one thing I have been searching for the past 11 years : Love

I just realized that love is a double edge sword, it could benefit one side and harm the other, in this situation I was stabbed in the back. In case one, I don't understand how someone can throw a seven to eight year friendship in the garbage all because of the insecurities and mistrust of a significant other. I understand the fact that when you love someone you love someone, but what kind of person who cares about someone would ask the other to stop being friends with someone they have known longer then the amount of time they have been dating and consider their bond like a brother and sister ? My friend has been there for me through the rough times and has given me his time and advice to get me through situations I had to deal with for this fucking person to come in and take that away. I am even more pissed off on the fact that my friend has decided to marry this person that is most likely going to give him shit for the rest of his life if has a friendship with anyone that has a cunt.

Second situation: Another 7-8 year friendship, not thrown away but forgotten. Forgotten to the point that I might as well not even exist. Sure, let's just forget about the numerous times I stayed up at night listening to him vent about how much of a loner he was and how he won't find a girl to care about, and how his ex-girlfriend was a complete psycho path. Now he finds himself a good catch and we are aware of that since he likes to parade her around town like a fucking trophy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for my friend, because he has been wanting this for a long time but fuck.. don't forget about the people/person who has been their for you on the road from the beginning when you finally arrived at your destination.

In conclusion, I was stabbed on the back but I am not wounded that bad. I recall in the previous post about what my dad's thoughts on friendship. Now here I am.. just like I stated... friends have a role in your life wether it would be a permanent or temporary role and it comes with a lesson.

The lesson: It does not matter the length of time you have been friends with someone for, what matters is who still gives a fuck and will be there for you regardless of whatever situation may arise. Those are the friendships I want, friends that make an impact in your life but don't ever walk away.

25 years later

2011-04-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

Time has flown by fast and earlier I was thinking a lot ( as always) about what I have accomplished while still being alive for the 25 years (since my birthday was on wednesday). One thing lead to another and I was thinking about my small family that I have, and how this is another year celebrating a birthday without my father. All those thoughts did not phase me one bit because of the fact that I have a nice group of friends that make up a nice chunk of my life.

This year has not started right for me at all and quite honestly... today has got to be a great day where nothing else can top off the feeling of being loved by those who give a fuck about you. Especially being looked after by friends you haven't stayed in touch with & remind you that you still have a place in their heart, friends that you barely haven't even personally meet and make you feel like you have known that person forever,friends you thought you would lose touch with after high school.

If you really think about it, everyone in your life takes a small or big role in the greatest film of all times titled "your damn life". These friends either bring experience, betrayal, love, regret, those "WTF moments", life lesson. They make life more interesting & enjoyable.

Sadly, it has taken me a birthday, specifically this one & an incident to make me realize that I really do enjoy having these amazing personalities in my life. The reason why I say it has taken me this long is because of the fact that I don't trust anybody with my life. I have a great bond with most people but in the end.. I am always secretly waiting to be disappointed, waiting for someone to break trust. Anybody new that enters in my life, I am cautious of them as if they were an enemy. One of the things that my dad taught me was that in end: all you have left is yourself. you always have to count on yourself as if you were battling the world on your own. This is the mentality that has stuck with me and probably is the reason why I have a wall with everyone.

Regardless, I am not perfect either and I can also make mistake with friends, but I do always try my best to show how much I appreciate them in my life. I just hope each and every one of them know that.

2011-04-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hey old man, how are you doing ? I just woke up and I am feeling like I am going to get sick. Why does this have to happen on my birthday week ? How shitty. You know what's even shitter, your damn wife aka as my mother. She woke me up this morning just to tell me how use less I am. She also told me that I was the biggest whore for going to shows and that if I ever needed a ride, I should just spread my legs to get a ride. This was just the tip of the iceberg.

Pop's, I am usually hard to put down emotionally, but what mom said really sucks. I don't think she understands how much I enjoy doing this photo thing. I just do.... there is no explanation that I can give to her to make her understand. She never will and this is why I wish you were still here. I really wish I had the chance to get off this bed and walk to your room right now and show you these neat shots I took off last night. You would always tell me up front if they sucked or not because that is the kind of shit I needed to hear to improve myself as a photo enthusiast. You would always keep me motivated and inspired. Now, look at me....all I have right now at this moment is this fucking pathetic blog to vent out and my passion broken into pieces. No motivation at all to continue this sort of work and the urge to just chug a bottle of Dayquil to get rid of feeling sick.

I love you and I miss you.

you daughter,

Maureen

ps. on a scale from 1 to chris brown, how pissed would mom get if I asked her for breakfast ?

Moving On: Day 1

2011-04-01T06:28:00.000-07:00

The local scene in South Florida has not been disappointing lately. Last weekend, I went to my 2nd & 3rd show of the 2011 year. The Maruta CD release show & the opening of a DIY venue:

Miami Chum Bucket. Both very awesome and packed with supportive people. It was actually nice to see

familiar faces and meeting new ones at both shows. So any ways.... currently I am on a mission with a few minor concerns and I have a month to solve these problems that just presented itself. It's starting to become a problem because money wise, I am not doing so well. I do own a business which is the one that I am always bitching about every time working 12 hours a day, money is coming in but it is coming in to pretty much pay off the workers,rent, food, blah blah blah and after all that's been paid off.. whatever money is leftover is the money I keep. Lately, it's been under $200 and that is just upsetting and ruining the plans I had to move out by the end of the summer. Regardless, I am still "trying" to keep my head up on bullshit and keep that "PMA" and blah blah blah. All this work & also trying to do personal projects has been mentality stressing and exhausting.

Mitch: Maruta

Problems to Solve:

1. New Lens: won't focus, I have been lucky enough to be able to still get some decent shots at these shows with this shitty ass lens.

$245 +

2. New Camera: I have had my first & only digital SLR since 2004 that my father helped me purchase. It has not given up on me yet for the past 7 years of use when I take pictures at shows but it is slowly breaking apart. The flash is always broken from the KLU show in December and now the gripper shit is coming off. $600 ++++++

3. Weak Knees: For a whole month, I have been struggling with painful cramps on both knees that were severely bruised at The Flogging Molly show back in Feb. They still hurt to the point where I can't bend them sometimes and walk like if I had anal sex for hours. This is a problem because when I take pictures at shows, I am all over the place. I am not anchored into one spot at a venue. For the fest in May coming up.... with a packed crowd and not a chance to be on any side of the stage and being a short little shit with bad knees.. problem : no opportunity for decent pictures

No health insurance, google answers suck, I don't have time to ice my knees, doctors office:

$85 +

4. No space on computer for editing

Macbook laptop has over 18,000 + pictures and there is no room to upload any more new images to edit. So now I have to purchase a external hard drive (which is not a bad idea any ways) to upload all the old images from past shows that I have and clean up my computer and keep it organized

$100 +

5. Needing new memory cards

$34.95 x 3

Conclusion: I have lack of money & time to come up with ideas on how to make money on the side. Therefore I considered myself fucked in the mean time.

Worst thing about taking a 3 hour nap ? You can't go back to sleep.

2011-03-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

It's 1:03 in the morning, not really much in my mind... actually... there is plenty. But I am too busy singing along to Bowie - Rebel Rebel to gather my words for this post.

The 2nd show of the year: Churchills this Friday

Dear Life.

2011-03-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

I am a 24 year old woman who can't easily get over shit when I still have my entire heart into a "situation". I guess you can say I am pretty much back to square one, I have this hunch to pretty much say what I have to say for one last time, in hopes of getting back what I always took care off and never broken from the start. I am trying to think back exactly what the fuck I said that morning that created something that never happened. Right now, my stomach is in knots... I feel like throwing up...I can't even eat. Yup, definitely back to square one.

Fuck. Okay.... so I went to a nice place this past Sunday, Virginia Keys to be exact with one of my good friends. I may have found a place where I can seriously do some deep thinking. The final results ?
I am giving myself goals each month to accomplish. To not only keep myself busy but to also feel like I am not wasting my life with too much thinking.

March Goals: Effective Today

- Train for a marathon in April
reason: 3 people accomplished this and it's actually inspiring. And I also want a damn medal.
- Get a driver's license
yes.... that's right.
- Save $1,680.00 for the month of March
- Operation Wall Tag
- Lose 10-15 pounds to fit in my little black dress for my birthday

Okay. I will shut up now.

UPDATE. All over the damn internet.

2011-02-24T19:33:00.000-08:00

Website in the works:

http://www.maureenroxanny.com/

Tumblr:

http://maureenroxanny.tumblr.com/

there is more traffic going on with tumblr then with blogger.. sadly.

Twitter:

http://twitter.com/maureenroxanny

Day 1

2011-02-08T10:15:00.000-08:00

Looking back and reading on a blog entry I typed up about the woman who sat by herself on the train alone. I have now found myself on the same seat as her, the lonely part at least. I do enjoy doing my own independent bullshit, but what I do enjoy the most is sharing life with someone, and just being in love and being loved back. Plain & simple, there is no need to sugar coat anything. I am still heartbroken, only God knows how long for.. I am still keeping my hopes up.

In the mean time... I got goals to accomplish. For fuck sakes it is the 2nd month of the "new year" and it was already off to a shitty start, but I am the only person who can make shit happen and make things good for myself. So here I go... I know I will probably stumble on the way, (I can't help it... I am a hopeless romantic) but I know I'll be okay. Life does go on... and I really don't want to miss it if I am spending most of the time with my head down.

So here are some weekend pictures, nothing original really... but I did enjoy the open doors for a bit.

Goal # 3: Live in a apartment with the best view of downtown.

The Life That I Have By Leo Marks

2011-02-03T05:45:00.000-08:00

The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have

Is yours

____

The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours

____

A sleep I shall have

A rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause

____

For the peace of my years

In the long green grass

Will be yours and yours

And yours

2011-02-01T05:00:00.001-08:00

camera phone.

2011-01-28T06:56:00.000-08:00

Okay. I get it now.

2011-01-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

LET'S NOT THINK ABOUT TOMORROW TONIGHT, LET'S JUST LIVE THE MOMENT

2011-01-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

my brown eye.

Everyone I know goes away in the end

2011-01-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

Okay New Year, New Post of 2011 and it's focus : being alone
let's disregard the run along sentences and the terrible grammar I have and let's be human and uneducated here for a second or for as long as it takes to finish reading this blog entry.

I will be honest and say that I am under the influence of some serious whiskey sour but that is beyond the point. Before I embarked on my adventure to meet a fantastic friend of mine for some drinks, all I thought about was this woman on the train.

Looking at her facial expression, she had something on her mind. I wanted to sit next to her and ask what was taking most of her thoughts. She fucking looked so lonely.....but maybe she wasn't... maybe she was taking the train coming from work... to go home... to her husband...but maybe she wasn't and that's when I discovered... I have a fear of dying alone. I have a fear of giving my all to someone and then being left.
Yes, you will meet those single independent people who run his/her life without having someone to answer to and are happy with their single self. But I will guarantee you that at some point... while that person is at work.... or eating dinner by themselves or possibly taking shit in the bathroom ( because you know....all major ideas and thinking are done while you take a shit or shower), the thought of having someone to love will cross their mind.

On the metro rail, of course you will have people riding the train to work and such, and I have seen plenty of people caught in a moment of thought. But there was something about this woman that I just felt the need to take a picture of her with my camera phone.

I know I may not know her whole life story.... but it maybe a possibility that the fact that she may ride the bus or train by herself... maybe for the rest of her life.. knowing that there will never be someone to fill in that seat next to you while on your journey ... just sucks.

MadBall & Morning Again

2010-12-26T22:24:00.000-08:00

No, I have yet to upload them... but enjoy these & be patient ?

2010-12-26T21:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I randomly sit down at whatever location I am at. I like seeing and observing the different people walking by. Especially when it's random people sitting down waiting for the bus or even the metro rail. I always wonder what goes on in their head. I wonder what type of lives they lived and if the person is happy with it. I wonder if they live with any regrets. I don't know.. it's fucking weird. I am just always curious about stuff and people.

Memory Lane

2010-12-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

I have been playing songs from my old ipod and this song came up. I literally got goosebumps just listening to the piano being played from beginning to the end. It is such a beautiful song. I remember laying on my bed... either crying about not being loved back or thinking about endless love & romance.

This song will definitely be played on my wedding (one day).. just because..
the beginning of the song on this video is fucked up.. but still...... it is just beautiful.

Life.

2010-12-17T06:16:00.000-08:00

One word

Two Syllables

Routine: I fucking hate routines and everything else that makes life predictable. I don't like sitting in this office knowing that I am going to do the same thing the very next day. The main thing that really angers me and is just frustrating is that because of the lack of funds, I can't do anything else about it...but just sit here and bitch about it.

I think my main goal in life though, with or without money is to just be happy in general. I have a fear though, that my time is short and I won't be able to get to do what I want to do in life. I don't want the life of the "normal" which is having a job you hate waking up too, getting married because your time clock is ticking.. pop out babies because you don't want to be an old mother, get divorced and be a single mother then just wait around till you get cancer or die in a nursing home. That seems to be the case of the people who I speak with, the parent's I talk to and the single mothers who decide that I can be their personal psychiatrist.

I don't want that life in that sort of way. I want to be able to wake up to different things, not knowing what's going to happen throughout the day. I want to do a lot of things where I can learn from, meet people that can make an impact in my life. I want to look back and fucking say "I have done a lot with my life, now my next chapter would be to grow old with the love of my life" and just take it from there. Live happy and die happy.

But right now... I am here..in this office at my mom's business. Working 12 hours a day.. Monday thru Friday. I have this job and I am doing it well because everyone seems to be pleased and happy.The moment I am absent from the office just to have a bathroom break, all I hear is "Where is Ms.Maureen ?!" It's a good feeling but I am trying to depart from it. Keyword: Trying.

What makes it hard to leave this fucking 12 hour day ? It's my mom's business, in this life... that's all I have along with my brother. This is the only family I have here now since my dad died. (Yes, I have friends but how often do you think they come around ? )I feel stuck because I feel like if I leave, knowing how my mother is, she will give me this fucking guilt trip about being a shitty ass daughter and not helping her run the school. I already live in regret for not spending as much time with my father while he was alive. I don't want to double that feeling if something were to happen to my mom because I was too busy trying to achieve something with my life.

So here I am, receiving my 2nd banana bread as a holiday gift from a parent, pretending I am jolly and happy that I am going to be taking santa pictures of their children today. The goal I do everyday Monday- Friday..making the sure the parent's and children arrive happy and leave happy.

At least someone in this life is happy, it's just not me at the moment.

Failure.

2010-12-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

The cold weather in Miami: I am loving & hating it at the same time. Having hoodie weather for the holidays is just great but it is also a bitch to my fractured ankle. All last night, I was really trying to toughen up on the pain. Because I don't like to be whiney, it's not cute and not what I am all about it but seriously.... it fucking hurts.

So under this lame condition, I was still able to take photos from last night at the Vagabond. And let me just say... I am completely disappointed in myself with the photos I have taken, no fucking composition at all. I have been doing this shit for 6 years now, I would think I am moving forward but I am moving backwards.. man what the fuck.. this shit isn't for everyone and I am starting to think it's not for me at all.

I don't want to be all negative but damn I have to be realistic.

The fact that I also had to stay in one spot the whole night also sucked a whole lot of dick because of this ankle. I hate being anchored and limited to one spot only.

Saturday... I have to make up for this photo disaster.. I don't care if I hurt my ankle even more in the process... I need to get better shots. Do it big or GTFO.

This is possibly the only picture I like from the night.. one picture out of 700. Fuck..

Upcoming Shows.

2010-12-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

I will be at :

Madball @ The Vagabond

Thursday 12/9

Morning Again Reunion @ Churchills

Saturday 12/11

I will not be taking anymore pictures at shows after this. Thank your local promoters & the people behind the booking for keeping the florida scene alive. They deserve good recognition as well.

^^
this obviously did not happen

My current obsession

2010-12-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

at the moment will be black and white photos.. it never gets old depending how good the composition is. I will always be at fighting with composition and one day... we will be great friends.

A real update.

2010-12-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

I respect and give a round of applause to every photographer/photo free lancer who dedicates the time to edit & upload pictures on time for their viewers to enjoy their work. That sure as hell will never be me & it's kinda lame that I have that habit because I am trying to go somewhere in life with the free lancing I am doing. I have to keep pushing myself and work harder because that's the only way I am able to make things happen. My new motto ? Shut up and make shit happen.

I have plenty of pictures to upload & the more I take .. the more I get behind on other shows I haven't edited and uploaded yet. I have been going to shows though, just the local ones around here in my area and at times I don't even have my camera on me. It's nice to enjoy the music & rough it up sometimes.

So here are a few shots of where I have been going lately since the Bane show... Casey Jones, Donnybrook, house shows & local shows here in Miami & I have been getting into the habit of just taking pictures of other images besides shows because shit...variety is always a good thing to have.

variety & also.. new camera.

all pictures taken by me : maureen roxanny.

Another Update

2010-11-22T09:46:00.000-08:00

An update for myself... just to say....

I took a chance.. and I hope I don't fuck it up.... I really don't.
I was not myself the past 4 years...and I hope those traits are not with me anymore.

1 month off

2010-11-16T05:43:00.000-08:00

I know what I want to do in life, I just don't know how to get it. I lost all motivation for everything.

I'll figure shit out... I always do.

Life is good though.

I need a break.

2010-10-13T05:33:00.000-07:00

Working for 12 hrs Monday-Friday, school, projects, HW, photos,social life,gym.family & personal business.

I am mentally & psychically exhausted. The most frustrating part of it would be that it is turning my personal plans & goals into shit.

Please do this

2010-10-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

VOTE

Now this is getting personal

2010-10-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

picture mistake by ronald.

After some thinking, I am going to make this blog about everything, including personal bullshit of my life. Just because I was always into this kind of nonsense & I like to read and reflect back and say " what the fuck was I thinking".

I am in college trying to get a degree in Journalism so sooner or later, I may have to practice my writing,grammar,spelling and refrain myself from saying the word "fuck ". I had a livejournal before, then I started off using tumblr but that shit is so stupid. All you really get are unoriginal people reblogging the dumbest shit, or whatever seems artistic at the moment. Shit ain't real.. it's just pictures of nonsense that you wish you can have/lust about. So I deleted it and went to blogger. I just want to keep things real & just take a look back and see if I have gone anywhere in life.

So until the next update, you should waste money here :

harbinger

stand united

this is hell

& please support this :

Miami Chum Bucket

SUCCESS

2010-09-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

Stand United

Well shit... you know how long I have been bitching about taking the perfect "jumping shot".

Every time I think I made an attempt & I have taken a good shot... it always comes out shitty, out of frame or blurry.. but last night.. I was able to take one, 4 way. I know...I probably sound like a dork/dumb ass about being happy but trust me... I've been working too long to be able to "get that moment".

DonnyBrook Pictures will be posted here

http://www.flickr.com/photos/maureenroxanny/

self notes

2010-09-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

before friday: kegger show (shots possibly;need a break)

** upload before upcoming shows:

- Nekromantix show (asap)

-Remembering Never

- Bishop/ Mono. Show

- Agnostic Front/ OutBreak

(edit/upload 2 shows min.)

**find original flyer ( large file) from recent shows taken

** transfer all webshots photos to flickr ( start little by little; shit will take forever)

** craiglist shopping

upcoming shows

* phobia 9/23

* donnybrook 9/25

* casey jones/ET 10/1

same species; different birds;different deaths.

2010-09-13T07:21:00.001-07:00

That photo update

2010-09-07T02:24:00.000-07:00

Bane pictures will be posted here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/maureenroxanny/

Don't ruin the fun out freelancing.

2010-08-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

I am just going to list the things that have been kinda annoying me lately:

1. "Pictures ?! where are the pictures ?! POST EM PICTURES"

Let me start off with : Don't tell me how to run my life. As much as I enjoy taking photos, you guys are killing off the only patience I have with it left. I do have a life besides going to shows & taking shots. I work Monday- Friday (6:30 AM- 6:30 PM), I start school in the fall & just do other random things & trying to catch up on some reading. Yes, I do let people know to look forward to the photos, I just don't give people an estimated time. If I was paid to do this damn thing then for sure I'll be more on time with it, but I don't, therefore.. I take my sweet ass time.

2. " Yoooo, I saw you at that show !! Did you take a picture of me XMOSHINGX/ Stage diving?

I've been getting a lot of message that is related to this ^. There was this specific one, by all means..the kid was nice but the part where it states " shame there wasn't any pictures taken of us crowd surfing". I mean... really ? I pay my brother to drive,gas, show entrance & merch to take pictures of people crowd surfing. Nah, I don't. If you happened to be in the way and I felt like it was a good moment to capture ( a fucking kodak moment if you want to call it that) then I did. I like taking pictures of shows because it's good to see that people go to support bands/ have a good time/ sing their assholes out. I like capturing that stuff, I don't work for your facebook defaults.

3. " Bro, don't worry about editing, just save it on a disk/my asshole/usb and give it to me"

You telling me this is like telling a band " yo... don't worry about if you sound like shit.. just record your music all in one day... don't bother practicing either, i am sure you will sound great on your upcoming record". My dad would always tell me " if you are going to do something, do it right or don't do shit". I have goals to take this free lancing somewhere in life, therefore.. any photos I put out there for the world to see, I am going to make sure it's decent and NOT shitty. My photos represent the shit I like to do.. take pictures, I am working on a portfolio. I am going to edit and give out pictures that I think are worth your time.

4. " Damn, we're gonna wait forever right ?? for the pictures"

Hell yeah, every time someone asks me for pictures, I am going to delay it for another day. You want them that quick, don't ask me about it.

5. " Credit ? "

Yes, credit the photo ! The reason: very simple... someone looks at an awesome photo, sees the credits, searches the person behind the camera.. that person may like my work and could give me an opportunity to tour along with a band, take more shots, hook me up with someone I can learn to do more photos, with.. you get it ? It's like a band...you hear the jam.. you love it.. you want to sign them on your record label... but what's the name of the band ? I don't know ? THERE GOES A MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

I am no professional, I am just a 24 year old woman who takes the time out of her life to go to a show.. have some fun and take shots. I go home and spent hours being hard on myself on how certain photos could be better. I edit and while the pictures upload, I daydream about traveling and working for some magazine who pays me to take pictures and read the bullshit i say about it. I upload pictures for people to remember how much fun that show was, for people who couldn't make it to show, for bands to use for whatever reason they want, to remember back how the scene was looking alive. I am working on a goal to prove people that you don't need a canon or a nikon camera to take awesome pictures. It's all about who is behind the camera. For myself and others who do enjoy going to shows/events, I like to believe that we are there because we are passionate about the shit we do or getting into, if not.. then we wouldn't be wasting good hard earned money on equipment to take pictures of smelly kids crowd surfing. There is more to it then that. At least for me.. I can only speak for myself.

ps. Glasseater & Guttermouth pictures are up. Double G's/ Double win

http://www.flickr.com/photos/maureenroxanny/

BETTER LATE THEN NEVER.

2010-08-17T21:25:00.001-07:00

These are the shots I enjoyed the most from the Glasseater show:

(please note: these are the only bands I took shots off/click picture for bigger image)

HOMESTRETCH

http://www.myspace.com/homestretch305

Glasseater & Company

http://www.myspace.com/glasseater

^ I don't know why this why came out so real, damn it.. what's the trick ?!

NOTE:

I was ready to post the link to the rest of the pictures but apparently I have ran out of my free limit on flickr and they want to charge me $24.95 to have like a year of unlimited photos.

I only have $11.00 in my account, so I guess we can all wait longer till I get money or you can donate a couple of bucks to my pay pal account : maureenroxanny@yahoo.com

I can provide a screen shot to prove I am broke as shit if you plan on donating.

Till then... I guess this will have to satisfy some people.

flickr account

2010-08-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

FROM NOW ON, ALL PHOTOS FROM SHOWS WILL BE LOCATED HERE :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/maureenroxanny/

reason why shit takes me long to upload photos:

1. i work 12 hrs a day monday - friday

2. busy reading up how to use a film camera

3. busy trying to find funds to upgrade a camera

4.editing/deleting shitty pictures

golden one:

5.i am very hard on myself, whatever stuff i put out there for people to see, i still feel like it sucks. i can't impress myself with anything. so i don't upload.

just stuff.

2010-08-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I have backspaced the first sentence to this blog so many times. I don't know how else to vent my thoughts so I am going to attempt doing it here.

I can't help but wonder, since death will come to anyone at any given time, if we would always have the time or opportunity to tell someone what we truly feel about that person. I would have never have guessed that her last words towards me would be :

"tell maureen to smile more, she's too beautiful to waste her time on being angry"

What does that even mean ? I had a close bond with this person and I had no idea she felt that way about me.If she were still alive, I would ask her to join me for some taco bell and tell her

" I don't think I am always angry, I would like to think I am not. I have had experiences that have made me into a bitter person yes but angry all the time.. no. I don't smile because I don't like how my teeth/mouth look when I smile, it just looks really fake.. like if I had a gun to my head and I was forced to smile,"

Now it's a little too late. There wasn't a time to discuss how important our talks were to me.

I guess I am the way I am because I am keeping my guard up on everything. And I am just cautious on the people I let it down for. Life is about taking chances yes, even with the people you meet. But every time I let someone in, they always proved me wrong, it makes me hate the way people are these days. It's hard to see who has good intentions, who is being real or not.

Now going back to the flashback, it's going to be almost a year since this car accident. Could have been worse but it wasn't. I could have died plenty of times but I am still here, there's a reason.. I am still working on that reason. But if I would have died, would the people I care about know how I truly feel about them ? I know I am not always the best with staying in touch,

but I just hope that whenever I do die, you are never going to have to wonder if I gave a shit about you. So that way... in the end, you get to move on with life instead of getting caught in a thought wondering if what could have been said was already shared.

I hope my friends will do the same with me, at times.. I really don't have a clue.

behind on schedule.

2010-08-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

Glasseater pictures will be up soon..hopefully. I'll give out the link when it's ready.

click the picture to enlarge. enjoy.

Quick Update/Remembering Never Pictures Up

2010-07-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

Remembering Never photos are located here on my facebook. I am not even done uploading but at least I didn't slack off completely like the Donnybrook photos. I am really trying to not slack off but damn it, there are no motivators in my life. The only one was really my dad but he's chilling with Jesus.

The end of July is coming up.. remember that to-do list ? It went to shit.. haha I love making lists but none of it gets accomplished. Oh well.. lazy sunday which means.. more movies to watch on netflix. Feeling a bit romantic today... look how cute this picture is, I am glad I took it when they had their little moment.. because after I took this shot, the male head punched the shit out of the female. What a hater.

Remembering Never

2010-07-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

So I made a mistake and got a little bit caught up and could not possibly for the life of me take photos of all the bands playing. Just a few snapshots here & there and of course... more of RN.

So there's a teaser...I am fucking lazy & I need a logo but I am sorta broke. Any takers ? donations ? I didn't think so. Till then.... keep waiting.

Ps. If you didn't know, you can actually click the picture for a larger size. Credit using this blog link, that would help me get out there some where in life. Don't be a cunt.

i miss it already.

2010-07-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

West Palm: I am in love with you and your clean places. Left Friday night and I came back home on Monday night ( thank you Ken for the ride). Pretty good times & I stayed with an amazing person. Mister...You are so great, I love you.

good friends/good times/ wish i would have taken more pictures. There is always a next time.

Goals to accomplish before the end of July:

* License/car

* Tattoo

* Throwing out the shit i don't need in my room

* Learning to shoot with a film camera.

* Finishing stencils

* unfinished shirt ideas ?

* oh yeah... donnybrook photos..oops !

happy birthday to the love of my life.

2010-06-29T05:58:00.000-07:00

You should be here giving me photography catalogs from 7 years ago and telling me to stop throwing my camera around my room. These past nights, I couldn't sleep and you would usually open my door and ask me " what's wrong" or " get your ass in bed, it's late". I had a lot dreams about you this week, some weird ones though. What are you trying to tell me ?

I know it doesn't seem like it when I am at home or where ever I am, but I miss you. Home isn't really home when you are not here. I can still picture you on the couch, every marlin's game I read or hear about and I think about the time we would sit and yell at the television. The soccer game has been going on and I can't appreciate it cause you are not here. We are still going for Brazil right ?

...

Well yeah.. Happy Birthday. I love you with all my heart, but you already knew that.

1 picture

2010-06-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

Your "facebook defaults" are going to have to wait guys... until then.. enjoy one.

click for larger image. give credit or die.

Holy Fuck

2010-06-21T06:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have been missing in action and I am glad to say it's been due to the fact that I have been busy with the fun stuff. I finished my photography class and learned absolutely nothing..aperture what the fuck ? i bet i didn't even spell that right.. my professor was alright..but I didn't spend $109 to watch dvd's about photography. I am just gonna keep messing around with my settings and take it from there. Photography 2 will definitely not be with that lady though.

So West Palm has a pretty awesome place to book shows.. venue + bar + pool tables = awesome.Ground Control. I will be there again but this time with a mini fan around my neck. Remember the days where Miami had decent place to have shows.. THE ALLEY ! (RIP)

Okay so this show, I had a target goal in mind, the theme: take pictures of moshing kids making their angry faces and take decent shots of people climbing on top of each other to sing the lyrics that make their blood boil. I am trying to stay away from those "common" pictures where the image looks good but then again... it's a fucking guy holding a guitar. I wanna try to spice things up a bit. I like the spot where I was taking my shots,in front of danger. I DON'T ever sit back and try to be safe to take pictures.. fuck that. I know what I am doing, I get in the damn way, I've been doing this for too long & I have a clean ass record of surviving tons of crazy shit at shows with no bruises or marks, just sweaty tits.. that's right... sweaty tits. One thing for sure, I won't be found in a crowd, too short for that nonsense, and most people don't wear deodorant.

Here's a picture of a sun bear that I took at Metro Zoo and what I rather be doing on a damn Monday.

how can i help you today ?

2010-05-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

any questions ?

set.yoursails@yahoo.com

AIM : maureen x says

May 14, 2010

2010-05-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

The Agnostic Front show was fantastic, besides the fact that my ears are still aching a bit even to this day.

<----------- FIND ME HAHA

All the bands have performed an amazing set. To be honest, I think Outbreak has really left a good impression on me. The singer just stood out for me on the way he "gracefully" was holding his mic and just singing his throat out. I really felt all that energy he was throwing out there with the fans, and with the musical support by his side, it was just a recipe for a great set. Nobody's Hero is another band to look out for in S. Florida, the singer was a member of AAA ( Against All Authority aka my FAVORITE band). At the end of their set, they covered

"All Fall Down" and that just really got me pumped up. I put my camera on the side of the stage and like I do at EVERY single AAA show I have been too, I got my fat ass on stage and started singing along, Joe (the singer) threw the mic stand to the crowd, I got it and just sang along with fellows around me. I really do miss those moments during shows ! I love it when bands feel the need to include the crowd in their set.

Besides the awesome music, there are a few people I would like to thank :

Jim (from Slammie): Thanks again for the ticket and the opportunity to shot these amazing bands ! Look forward to another Slammie show

Ronald (karaoke/show enthusiast) : For introducing me to "the spot". I was able to take some pretty decent shots without getting kicked in the face !

Ben Thacker : (Photographer/ News times)

This man took some good professional shots during the show, thanks for the new times tip !

( Photo Credit used in this blog post: Ben Thacker)

For more additional information:

SHOWS:

Slammie

Slammie Facebook

Photographer/News Time

Ben Thacker

Ben's Blog Concert Review for the New Times > info/photos included

My photos of the show

FYI: Remember to credit the people who made your facebook default possible !

back in the day

2010-05-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Facebook kills the quality of anyone wanting to post decent pictures up. Anyways,I was looking through my albums and I would have loved to definitely travel back in time when AAA played one of their last shows (with streetlight/reel big fish & less then jake)and I would have liked to have my better camera in hand at the time. One of the best shows I went too, and the highlight of the night was when danny and one of the guys from streetlight dressing up the dog in their merch gear.

Results from film

2010-04-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

FUCK NAPS

2010-04-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

I never get anything done, sigh..

So it has been a while and a minute since I have posted on this blog but the good news is that I have been busy with some things that I have been working on. I got two new camera toys that I purchased from eBay. I tested one and the results came out better neat, but one thing I have to get use to is the fact that since it is a film camera, I can't preview what I just took. I have been using digital for so long that it drives me crazy not knowing how the picture came out until I take them to develop.

In other news, I went to a house show on Friday & it was a good ass time. I got to see the faces that I miss and also this was the first show that could officially made me come back from the dead with taking pictures. Here is one sample of what I took on Friday, I gotta sharpen my skills, been too dam long.

We won't Forget

2010-04-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

Couple Things I hate Right Now:

1. People who think they can make me feel bad

2. Not getting a camera upgrade

3. Not getting another tattoo

4. People who I know got my text and don't answer back

who wouldn't love my iphone picture ?

Rough Draft

2010-04-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

People didn't think I was serious.

Sunday came early

2010-04-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

(click on picture for bigger image, don't steal or I

will sue your ass)

This long weekend, I doggy-sat my friend Ray's puppy and she was pretty adorable. Right now this picture that I took represents my current mood about going back to work. Back to the 5 am wake up calls and long hours of work. I guess on the positive side, what i am trying to do now is take my camera everywhere I go to capture any action shots that I see. It would suck to miss a beautiful shot because I didn't have a camera in handy.

Things that I am working on right now:

- speaking with a printing company to design a shirt and print shirts to create awareness about dolphin & whale captivity.

- save & selling stuff to buy a new camera

- swimming lessons

- scuba lessons > want to get into underwater photography.

oh... and get over my fear of ____________ !

Restart

2010-03-31T05:34:00.000-07:00

If there could be a restart button in life, I think I would be constantly hitting that button. So here I am once again on these internet blogs, which isn't a bad thing. I can type all the nonsense I want and not really have to worry about wether the other person wants me to shut up about my ideas and ramblings. I definitely like the fact that I can go back on it to reflect back on what I have done with my life so far. The question is wether I can remember and keep it going.